The Middle Child Has Left the Building

"But for those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." ~ Isaiah 40:31

        To our dearest gentle giant! Ever since the day that you made your grand appearance into this world your dad and I joked about the day that you would be 18 and we could boot you out into the wild. That clearly was the round the clock feedings, sleep deprivation and energy zapped nonsense talking. It has been a heavy and emotionally draining, but joyful week. I have tried to hold my breath many times as to perhaps make time stand still this last week of having you home. Just wanting to have you home for one more day, a couple more weeks or several more months. As we prepared to drive you cross country to drop you off at college I couldn't explain the mixture of emotions I was having. Basically I was full steam ahead on the Hot Mess Express. Probably showed just how much of a mess I was when we had to reroute 7 times going through Dallas. I'm sure you were praying for Jesus to take the wheel. 😆 A simple text from a friend asking what day you where leaving had me scrambling for something to wipe my tears. Last week as your dad and I made a trip to the grocery store, our stomaches fell to the pits of our knees thinking we didn't need to "stock" up on food for the moose. We left the store in a somber daze even though your dad has been waiting for the day his wallet would get a little heavier. However, that weight comes with a little absence in our home. Okay okay we may not have been as prepared for your flying of the coop as we thought we were all this time. I miss you. Not just the Mason you are now that is 700 miles and three states away. I miss the baby I would hold in my arms and who would eat around the clock. I miss the little toddler that would run around in his superhero undies and cape and the sound of the pitter patter of your tiny feet across the kitchen floor. I miss the the crazy whit of the five year old who would make my belly hurt from laughing. 

           All that missing you was bound to rear its head so, I am sorry not sorry for the waterworks malfunction as we said our "see ya laters." You know I tried hard not to be "that mother." At least family weekend isn't until October so by then everyone will have forgotten about the psycho sobbing mother who had to be escorted off campus by security. 😂 Just kidding I did contain myself quite well. It was the drive to the hotel and the drive home the next day that I had no containment. Just driving by a field of cows made me flash back to 2007 when we had just moved to Missouri and we were making the long trek from the base to Blue Springs to take Kaleb to school and we passed a field of buffalo. In true "cool mom" fashion I belted out "look kids, look at the buffalo." Your response in true 4 year old Mason fashion blurted out "are they the ones with wings?" Perhaps we like Buffalo Wild Wings a little to much. Cue tears here. I digress 

        With your senior year or what was "called" your senior year, in the rearview mirror, your future is right in front of you and it is super duper bright. 

           It doesn't seem real that we just drove you 700 miles away and left you to adult on your own. Not our little chunky monkey who loved to make us laugh at his silliness while he pushed the dare devil limits. Your toddler days seem like yesterday, when you would sneak off to a room to be left to your own entertainment. We wouldn't hear a peep out of you for the longest time and when we checked on you, there you were playing GI JOES, doing puzzles, playing with blocks or riding the horse and saying "yeehaw ride em cowboy!" Even though I was blessed to stay home and never miss a precious moment, it doesn't seem right that your days of adulting are upon us. It's not fair, I want more time of having you at home, under my roof, safe and secure. No one tells you that the hardest thing about parenting is when your damn kids grow up. There is nothing that can prepare a parent for the time that your job as "parent" at home is done and now we have to transition to a whole different aspect of "parenting." Your dad and I promise to let you navigate this on your own....without texting 500 times a day, but just know that if you ignore us for more than 24 hours your crazy mother may just show up unannounced. HAHA In seriousness we hope that we did our job, maybe not always the best but we pray that we equipped you with the tools you need to be successful. We are grateful God blessed us with the last 18 years of having you under our wings, and now He is entrusting us to let you soar. 

                                                                       

            That being said we are releasing you into a world that we don't recognize and it quite frankly scares the shit out of me. But one bright silver lining of this craziness, is that we were able to have you home to witness how you would navigate all the unknowns. You probably don't even know it but having you home every day for the last 20 months we watched you overcome situations that teenagers have never had to imagine facing. You were dealt a pretty crappy hand your last year of high school, but you never once let that take your focus off of what was still ahead for you in life. Mason you have taught me so much about how to face adversity and the things that you have no control over. Life isn't always fair but to that you give it the middle finger and say okay well watch this. I wish I could be more like you when it comes to moving past the things we can't control or the things that seem so ass backwards. You have a solid foundation of God and with that comes the knowledge that He is in control and whatever path He has carved out for you already, that you are going to be thankful for whatever and wherever it takes you. As you are quickly learning these first few days on your own, that it doesn't always work out as planned. Adapt and overcome, live and learn, and dust yourself off and get back up onto your horse. Because tomorrow is a new day!

         700 miles doesn't seem too far away, but in the grand scheme of things it seems like worlds away. We have been such a huge part of your growing up, at every one of your practices, games, and events. There for all your milestones, accomplishments, stumbles, challenges, lessons learned and everything in between. Your dad coaching many of your teams from the time you were three to the time you hit middle school. Now we are entrusting you to do so many things all on your own. As parents we get to prepare for this day throughout your childhood, through reluctantly releasing you to sleepovers, overnight camps, first day of kindergarten, and letting you drive on your own. However, nothing really can prepare us for the mother load of having to let go as you depart for college. The dreaded but joyous moment that you get ever so comfortable living on your own and OUR home becomes a place that you now visit and no longer the place you reside. Even though you say you want to live with us forever. 😊 The last 18 years seemed to have flashed before our very eyes and now reality is knocking on our front door. It's now time to move onto bigger and better things, to begin your life as an adult, and to see where the future takes you.  

           You are a pretty awesome kid Mason and we beam with pride being able to call you our son. You make us so proud. We have no doubt that whatever life throws at you, that you will take it in stride and not let it slow you down. You know that nothing comes without hard work and sometimes we are at a disadvantage and that means work harder. We are proud of you and your bravery and courage of venturing far away out into the world as a barely 18 year old to be you and do your thing. We love you kid!!!

 💙💙💙Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters."

 

                                                                               

                                                                      

    💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 ~ 💙 

Changing the Mission

I suppose deep down I always knew this day would come. I envisioned this day, feared this day, I hoped for this day, and I never wanted this day to come. However, none of that makes me any more prepared FOR this day. For the last twenty-six years (all of my dating/married life) this day has felt so far away...and then all of a sudden just like that it isn't, and we are staring it right in the face. The military and serving are all Clark and I have known all our adult lives, and it is all our children have known. I hear there is a saying that when you know, you just know. I guess he knows. After all, you don't want to stick around so long that you are no longer valuable, so long that you begin to hate the job, so long that there is no more passion, and so long that you wore out your welcome a LONG time ago. You want to stay long enough to say I'm going out knowing it was a damn good ride, I made a difference and I loved every minute (okay maybe not EVERY minute) but that I still enjoyed being an Airman. You have been beyond prepared sweet husband of mine for this day (wish I could say the same) but since the day you joined the military you have always been looking towards the future, the next step, the next chapter, the next mission. You have prepared yourself well for the rest of your life post-military. As your number one fan, I couldn't be more proud of all your accomplishments, hard work, and dedication to everything you have done as you worked your way to the top 1 percent.

 

As I watched you put on your uniform a couple of weeks ago, the same way you have every day for nearly three decades, I saw a difference in you. Not a happier you, not a sadder you, but an extremely peaceful you. A man on a different mission. Yes, we had been talking a lot about post-military jobs, moves, and what's next, but I was deciding to push that to the back of my mind thinking it was still going to be a couple years away. Then as I kissed you good-bye and squeezed you tight as you left for work I just knew you would be coming home with a very different vision for our future. When you came home I knew that you were at peace with your decision because you had trusted your gut and the guidance of God. You didn't reach out to friends, family, or fellow wingmen for confirmation that you were making the right move. You just knew, you felt it and you took the leap. The very big leap of faith and you are completely at peace, and ready to start the rest of your life.  

As I sit here and reflect not really sure how this day is upon us, I can't help but be thankful for the life that the military afforded us. Starting out in our lil house on wheels (aka trailer) I never could have envisioned the road that the military was about to take us on. It was the best of times and it was the worst of times. (Anyone who hasn't had the pleasure of hearing the iron story) that would be one of the worst of times.....and a story that we look back on now and laugh about, but it shows the rawness of challenges along the way. There were struggles, there was laughter, there was fear and there were tears.....lots and lots of tears. We traveled the world, met some of the most amazing people that have become family, and made so many wonderful memories. The military helped us grow in our marriage, in our family, and in our hopes and dreams for the future. The very future that is now upon us. 

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As one of your biggest cheerleaders, I love that you have never been afraid of trying something new, jumping into a new position, or changing paths in the military. The Air Force didn't make you a career Airman, it allowed you to dabble in so many different areas that broadened your skills and knowledge. That is going to be so beneficial to civilian life. It allowed you to be very passionate about so many different things and one of those things was being the best you that you could offer in whatever job you were in. I know many of you are saying how is 30 years, NOT a career? A career in the sense that you got comfortable in a job and stayed there for 30 years. Clark, you weren't afraid to branch out and see all that the Air Force had to offer. Whether it was assisting in building schools in poverty-stricken countries with the Red Horse Guard unit, teaching recruits as an MTI (Military Training Instructor) the oath and what it means to be an Airman, or going out and recruiting the next generation of men and women as a recruiter for the Air Force Reserves. The very generation that would be taking your place one day to lead and train younger generations to serve in the greatest branch of the military. Whatever hat you wore, the job you worked, or the task you accomplished you always found love and grew a passion for it, and for those around you. You created the best version of yourself in every position.

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I have no doubt there is much more you could accomplish as a Chief in not only recruiting but in the Air Force in general, but I just knew that as I watched you that day that there was nothing that was going to stop you from taking that risk. As you have always said the military will come to an end for you one day so you can't deny the inevitable. And when there are several opportunities that are placed in your lap you can't ignore them. After all missed opportunities are often times some of life's biggest regrets! When the door you were waiting for to open remains closed a little too long, is stalled, or locked shut but you notice other doors opening, you can't ignore the other doors. As you often say everything happens for a reason. You are you and no matter what you do for the rest of your life, I have no doubt that you will continue to make an impact. 

As your military days are now numbered, and as we prepare for the next journey, I support your decision with a full heart and no regrets. I am beyond blessed and grateful that the military gave us such an amazingly memorable 30 years and allowed me to stay home and raise our boys. 

Although you won't be hanging up the uniform for good just yet, and the mission may look a little different you are still going to be able to be very influential to a different generation. You'll be able to mentor and train teenagers in the JROTC program, although I think you're a little crazy for wanting to step into that line of fire, I know damn sure you will love it and find a deep passion for the possible future generation of leaders. I am dang proud of you babe, and thank you for having me by your side for a damn great ride! Congratulations on your retirement!!!

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The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does!